The bucket and the beat by Michael Fallarino

Where Can I Get a Good Clear Wood Finish Around Here?
(or “Why Can’t America Be More Like Canada?)

On a recent exterior painting job one of the tasks was to apply a coating to the main entrance door and corresponding underside of the small pedimented porch roof that led to and protected it. The rough-cut wood of the factory-made door was weathered to that classic dirty New England patina because the porch was an addition that was fabricated several years after the house was built. The V-joint #2 pine porch ceiling still looked pretty new but the door was over a decade old, and neither of these details had ever received a coating.

What was paramount to the homeowner was that the surface appearance of the door and ceiling remain as unchanged as possible. The east-facing door did catch some sun so UV filtering was a concern, and the site harbored substantial mildew so the only thing that really made sense to me was an exterior waterborne surface film like Flecto’s Varathane. I’ve never liked the way spar varnish weathers outside—too much yellowing, cracking, and peeling. The south-facing french doors on the site were a case in point. A cursory search of local suppliers around my home base of the New York capital region reinforced what has typically been the case. There were no exterior waterbornes to be had despite the fact that when I punched up Varathane on the excite search engine, the first entry directed me to a popular hardware chain with strong regional representation. Not only was there not a can to found in the store, but no one there even knew what it was! So I special-ordered a gallon of satin Varathane Waterborne Diamond™ Outdoor.

In addition to accomplishing my objectives, I can honestly say that this product is the easiest-to-apply, least odoriferous product I’ve ever used. In fact, it really is virtually odorless (a clear finish needn’t be stanky to make the application process seem righteous). The trouble was, I ran a quart short and it was the end of October. I had to reorder, and ended up giving the product to the homeowner as a “Christmas present”! Now take Canada, where Naomi Klein’s eco-marketing book about brand bullies, No Logo, spent months on the best-seller list. There, Varathane is so popular (at least according to brand manager Mark Boufford) that the word is used as a verb. As in: “Junior, if you don’t stop that right now I’m going to give you a good Varathaning!” Founded in 1934, the Flecto company made a promise about its products by nitching itself as a consumer-friendly company with an uncompromising premium product that would exceed expectations. It deserves wider exposure and if my intuition is correct, has exceptional potential as a women’s ally—and let’s face it—most decision-making lay customers are women. Now owned by Rustoleum/RPM, the Flecto name, but hopefully not it’s promise, will be phased out over the course of the next year as they try to make new friends beyond the left coast.

Another retailing decision worthy of serious consideration is whether or not to stock a flat polyurethane. A random query of a dozen regional paint, hardware, and home centers produced eight nays and four yeas. It can contribute surprisingly stunning effects on interior architectural details that won’t incur wear. Zar and Ben Moore make versions that can get those oak, mahogany, or pine beams and columns humming. As a case in point consider the typical treatment of exposed beams and columns. They are normally coated with penetrating oil that often never completely dries. Over time, they usually get sticky and attract an unhygienic mix of hard-to-remove dust and who-knows-what-kinds of microscopic parasite larvae. Do your customers a big favor and sell them the best specialty finish for each task. You’ll sell more product and they’ll respect you for caring enough to maximally enhance their environment. And don’t be scared by the “flat” classification; even flat urethanes smile a little. [April 2002]

©2002 Michael Fallarino/Pan-Global Gumbo SM, Ltd.